Today has been a day full of mixed emotions. I've had a horrible morning, overwhelmed with depression and feeling that Satan iss attacking me from every direction. Until this morning, the doctor had been estimating that the baby would be born at 35 or 36weeks, which I was okay with, hoping that it would actually be the later of the two dates. I learned this morning that the doctor has scheduled our C-Section for the 30th of November, which is at 35weeks. I pleaded with the doctor, that if everything was okay and I wasn’t having any trouble, couldn’t we wait until 36weeks. She was very firm in her answer and said, “I’m not waiting until 36weeks, we are going to deliver at 35 weeks. I don’t want to run the risk of something happening between 35 and 36weeks. We want you to have a healthy baby…” I realized then, that there was no changing her mind and the baby would be born as scheduled. I struggled with that thought all morning, and started to feel sorry for myself and question why this was happening to me. I didn’t expect to experience pregnancy this way, things like “why couldn’t I have a normal pregnancy? What if I hadn’t exercised so much during the pregnancy? What did I do to be in the hospital with this condition? Why couldn’t I carry this baby to term?? Why does my baby have to be born prematurely?? And through a C-Section??” I was just overwhelmed with negative thoughts, “whys? And “what if’s?” In the midst of so many negative thoughts, and feeling sorry for myself I was beginning to forget that God was still at work through this situation and He had not abandoned me or my husband or our baby. I finally decided that I needed someone to talk to, someone that would listen to me and help to see God in all of this—I picked up the phone and called Maria. Maria was able to calm me down, which allowed me to begin seeing how God’s hand was at work in our lives.
It was God, who had allowed the doctor to find the condition! If it wasn’t for His hand in this, I would have gone on thinking of this as the perfect pregnancy, and carried the baby to term. Now that the condition has been found and we know what the risks are to our baby, I cannot imagine having gone through the end of the pregnancy thinking everything was fine, only to have something happen to our baby at the time when I went into labor or when my water broke. I am so thankful for the amazing God that is in control of my life and my baby’s life. It is so easy to get sidetracked from that and think that I am the one in control, so I am blessed to have friends that are able to get me back to seeing the real truth. Maria prayed with me over the phone, and we asked that baby would grow strong and healthy so that he/she would be ready to be born at 35weeks, we prayed for comfort so that I could be okay with delivering the baby so early; wisdom for the doctors, and that His hand would be at work through the doctor.
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